OCD

Those of you have OCD know how frustrating and exhausting it can be. Mine has been acting up pretty bad this past month. Unfortunately, Jeff found a new trigger this month. It all started when he injured his finger. Jeff knows how much I hate blood so jokingly, he touched my arm saying, “Bloody finger.” What he did not know was how I would react. My response was clapping three times to clear the fear/feeling of having his blood on me. So now, every night before bed, he routinely tries to touch me with his finger telling me it is bloody. Without fail, my response is clapping three times and getting away from him. He can do it five times in a row and I cannot stop my response. Each time it always ends the same way….me clapping three times and full of anxiety.

Then this morning I had another bout with my iron. I have always had a fear of burning the house down and that it would be my fault. So when I used my iron this morning, I could not remember if I unplugged it when I left the house. I was almost to work when I felt the need to go home and check on it. I tried so hard to ignore the thoughts and continued driving to work. I was getting ready to go into a meeting when I could not ignore the thoughts any longer. So I dialed into the meeting and drove home. Of course, the iron was unplugged. It drives me crazy when I to force myself to drive home to check. I used to have to turn around at this one intersection. Now I avoid that intersection altogether. To keep this OCD in check, I usually will check any appliances that give off heat before leaving the house to make sure they are unplugged.

My third OCD drives me nuts but it is easier to deal with. I always have to check my credit cards and license to make sure I did not lose them. In fact, this is the very reason why you will not see me with a purse. It is too difficult for me to check them in a purse throughout the day. Instead, I keep them in my jeans pocket. That way I can always count them without it being too noticeable. However, if you were to follow me around all day I am sure you would be amused by watching me check and recheck my pocket every couple of minutes. Why every couple of minutes you might ask? Simply because each time I check my pocket, I believe I might have accidently dropped a card while checking the minute before. So the thought/behavior pattern continues over and over until I am satisfied I have all of my cards in my pocket.

My roommates in college probably remember how I could not let anyone touch me. I remember when Amy tried to fix the string on my sweatshirt and that just gave me so much anxiety. That semester it turned into a game. They would try to touch me and I would back/run away until I found myself huddled into a corner with nowhere to go. Luckily, I have not experience that situation in years.

Some days I just laugh and try to ignore it but today I am exhausted.